Troll Eggs
by Mutant of Time
Summary: John trolls Karkat and has him believing that Skittles are actually troll eggs. Dave reveals the truth to him, and has a good laugh over it all. Harmless DaveKat fluff, only rated T because of Karkat's language. Oneshot, just a little event in the normal SBURB universe.


**Nope, you can't tell that DaveKat is my OTP _at all_, can you? But I can't stop writing for it. Speaking of DaveKat, I'm planning something really huge to write for it, but it'll probably be a while before it shows up here. Until then, and until I get around to finishing my other fics in progress, have this! Happy reading! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck or the characters. They belong to the magnificent Andrew Hussie.**

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"Karkat, you've got to be kidding me," you say as you follow Karkat into his respiteblock for your weekly session of 'Storytime with Karkat'.

"What?"

"Those fucking skittles. They have been sitting in that bowl on top of your heater for _forever_! Aren't you ever going to eat them?"

Karkat glances over at said bowl of skittles, and then gives you the most horrifying look, as if you killed a man or something.

"Are you serious, Strider? That is fucking _insane! _You are the most cold-hearted douchbag to ever live!" Karkat suddenly exclaimed angrily, glaring daggers at you. You were genuinely confused by this.

"Okay, okay, jeez. Hoard your skittles, as if I care. I was just wondering, god," you replied, slightly irked that Karkat would get that over protective about fucking _skittles_.

"I don't know what the fuck skittles are, but those aren't skittles, numbnuts!" Karkat growls at you. You raise an eyebrow, trying not to laugh.

"What do you mean they aren't skittles. Of course they're fucking skittles!"

"No they aren't!"

"Then what are they, huh?"

"Troll eggs," Karkat tells you, as if it's obvious. You scoff.

"Says who?"

"Well, remember when John gave us that note and that..bucket and stuff before we separated a couple years ago?"

"Yeah...so?"

"Well he put the troll eggs in the bucket with another note telling me that they were troll eggs and I had to take care of them. He said he made them while doing ecto biology shenanigans. So I've been keeping them here ever since, waiting for them to hatch, but I don't think that's going to happen for at least a few more months," Karkat explains. You burst out into laughter right there, unable to hold back.

"What's so funny?" Karkat demands.

You gasp out in between laughs. "Those aren't troll eggs, you idiot! They're candy! John trolled you!"

Karkat gives you a look of disbelief, and your knees give out as you fall to the ground, literally rolling around in laughter. Jesus fuck, John really _is_ the pranking master.

"He pranked you, Karkat," you tell him.

Karkat's face falls, and he walks over to the bowl, taking them off the heater. And takes one out of the bowl, carefully examining it before taking a tiny bite out of it. Suddenly, he's enraged.

"That fucking _asshole!_ He actually gave me a sense of hope that our race would survive and it's just fucking human _candy_?!"

Karkat's sudden rage sends you into another fit of totally uncool giggles, but you don't care much at this point. This is fucking hilarious. You wish you could get a video or something.

"I can't fucking believe he would do that!"

"Hey, that's Egbert for you," you reply, finally calming yourself down. You remain lying on the floor though, staring up at Karkat through your shades. He must be especially pissed by this, because he proceeds to tip the bowl of skittles over your face. You catch a few in your mouth and exclaim, "Make it rain!" ironically. You then proceed to strike a pose that could classify as provocative. Karkat blushes, facepalming.

"Fuck you."

"I thought that wasn't in our bro contract," you retort. This causes Karkat to blush harder, gritting his teeth at you.

"No it isn't, asshole. Matesprits or Kismesis, and you're neither of those to me."

"I could be though," you say softly, surprising not only yourself, but Karkat too with the words.

"What?"

"Well, I wouldn't be your Kismesis. That whole hate thing fucking creeps me out. I can't do that part of the whole quadrant dealio."

"You don't flush for me though," Karkat says, not meeting your gaze on him.

"Is it really your place to determine that?" you ask him. He glances at you for a brief second.

"We aren't doing this."

You sit up, grabbing his pants leg before he can escape. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to be led on with 'ironic' bullshit by you," Karkat says, trying to tug his leg away from you. This only causes you to hang on tighter, clinging to his leg.

"Who says it has to be ironic? Not _everything_ I do is for irony, you know."

Karkat looks down at you, his glare softening. "Do you really like me? Like _that_, I mean."

You give him a mix between a smile and smirk. "Maybe."

He knows you mean yes, you can see it in his reddish-grey eyes. "Oh. Okay then."

"Okay then?" you question him, grabbing his sleeve and trying to pull him down to sit next to you on the floor. He relents, sitting in front of you, but looking away.

"Yeah, okay then," he repeats, looking to you for a fleeting second and blushing before averting his gaze again.

You lean into him just a little closer and ask, "So..can we give this matesprit thing a try?"

You know you saw it. You saw just that tiny hint of a smile cross his face for the briefest second.

"Yeah, I guess we can."

You chuckle, grabbing a stray red skittle from the floor. It can't be that dirty...

You gently push it against Karkat's lips. He swats your hand away, rejecting it. Oh well, you'll have to find another way...

You discreetly slip it into your own mouth, securing it between your back teeth, but not biting into it. You close your lips to hide it before facing Karkat again, barely managing to speak with it still sounding normal.

"Hey,Karkat."

"Yeah?" he asks, but you don't give him a worded answer. Instead, you kiss him, and to your surprise, he kisses you back. You manage to prod at his lips with your tongue, and he parts them, to which you carefully slip your tongue inside, being wary of his teeth. After a brief moment of this, you almost grin at what you're about to do next.

You bring the skittle to the front of your mouth, pushing it into Karkat's mouth. You then pull away, snickering as he panics for a moment, realizing what you did. It's too late though, because he chews it.

"God fucking dammit, Dave," he says, growling with no real malice behind it. You just kiss him again to shut up whatever complaint he was going to voice next.

You pull away after another moment, softly whispering to Karkat, "I love you." His reply was immediate.

"I love you too, dumbass."


End file.
